Wellbeing

Learning to live with your inner critic

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“You are not good enough”.“ Nobody cares about what you have to say”. “This won’t work”. “You’re not special”.

The inner critic – this annoying, rude and discouraging inner voice that constantly expresses criticism, frustration and disapproval of our actions. My inner critic is an expert in making me feel bad about myself, but I know that I am not alone with that problem. The question is why do we listen to all this rudeness? Imagine this voice being a friend and treating you this way. I would no take it for a minute, because we want support and love from our friends. But why it is so hard for ourselves to support and believe in us?

I realize that to have a fulfilling and successful life I need to change the attitude of that voice. Instead of making me feel not good enough I want it to cut down on the negativity and support me.

So while I still haven’t figured out the magic solution to turning it off for forever I’ve found some strategies to coexist and quiet it down a little.

inner-critic

Take a breath
You know these situations where you brain keeps won’t shut up and you’re so anxious that you clench your jaw and hold your breath. This kind of stress and negativity is really not healthy. Try to be conscious to these situations and when you notice it happening close your eyes and take a deep breath. Breathe in and breathe out until you feel yourself calming down. I’ve really appreciated taking an active long breath. It really helps!

Contradict it
“You are not good enough” “ Yes I am”. Start to tell your voice that you don’t believe a single word it is saying. A know it sounds pretty ridiculous since you’re basically arguing with yourself. But just try it and see what it does with you “ So you think I can’t? Well I know I can. So BE QUIET”. Whatever you’re doing DON’T STOP doing it and don’t let this rude person tell you any otherwise. At some point these words will empower you.

Show yourself some love
We all deserve to be loved and be proud of us. I admit I am not ready yet to stand in front of the mirror and talk to my reflection but I am trying to show myself more love. ” I can do this” “ I got this” “I am proud of myself for ________” Just tell to yourself whatever mantra you need and if necessary do it over and over again. Tell it to yourself when you get up, when you are nervous or when you are having a bad day. I’ve recently started to regularly tell certain mantras to myself and I actually noticed how it motivates me and makes me feel better. So I encourage you to try it.

Celebrate even the smallest success
So your voice told you “you would fail that job interview” but you did it anyway and it went great. Celebrate yourself and maybe treat yourself a little. It could be a piece of cake, a nice long bath or just sitting on the couch watching a movie. Celebrate the tiny steps of success. It doesn’t always have to be big success like a promotion or a big salary. If you want to get a new job and successfully finished an interview or want to loose some weight and didn’t eat that big piece of pie. These are successes worth celebrating, because you were told you couldn’t do it and you did it anyway. That is reason enough to be proud of yourself.

Repetition is key
This is not a problem that will magically disappear, but it as a process that takes time. These coping strategies need to be repeated constantly. This is a fight that you have to try to win over and over again. We all deserve to feel loved, powerful, worthy and successful and it’s time we start to tell ourselves that.

 

What are your strategies to deal with your inner critic? Do you struggle with this problem? I wanna know all about it 🙂

Love, Carolin
xoxo

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    4 COMMENTS

  • Johanne November 29, 2017 Reply

    Oh, I totally have an inner critic. Lately I’ve just been trying to stay positive. No matter what. But it is difficult sometimes. I think I should celebrate small successes more, so that I actually see and recognize what I can achieve.

    • Carolin November 29, 2017 Reply

      I’m trying to be more positive too! I think it is so important to appreciate all the small successes we achieved and hopefully we’ll get there at some point 😉

  • Meg Smidt November 29, 2017 Reply

    Celebrating even the smallest success is SO IMPORTANT!!!! AND… staying present will help you even notice when the successes happen (not just keep going and miss the WINS. Thank you so much for this!

    • Carolin November 29, 2017 Reply

      You are absolutely right! Thank you 🙂

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